The Writers’ Nook is a place where we, as a group, can provide a safe and positive environment in which to encourage one another and hone our own writing skills.
Conflict
Our Theme for this meeting was Conflict. What’s a story without conflict? This is a story that begins with the protagonist living a happy life and from there on, it just gets better and better, the protagonist remains happy and gets happier and happier. How boring! Let’s create a little conflict!
This meeting was held at 11:00 a.m. on Wednesday, April 28th, Blind Bay Time (aka Vancouver Time).
Largely due to a conversation that happened during this meeting, Shirley DeKelver has shared information with the rest of us regarding Plagiarism and Copyrights. If you are a member and have not received a copy of it, please send an email to that effect and we’ll send it you.
If you are interested in joining our group, please send an email to that effect and we’ll send you an invitation to our next zoom meeting on May 12th.
OUR CHALLENGE for the next meeting is to write a story or poem of your choice that contains conflict. You may use one of the prompts shown in the Handout for inspiration, or write about any topic of your own choosing.
Responses to the Challenge:
Tragically Broken Hip, a non-fiction piece by Hal Dyck, looking for feedback
Antidote, a conflict with society by Dulcie Enns,
Chapter 6 of current project by E.A. Briginshaw; it has conflict though internal and subtle
Paul’s Pride, a conflict story by Shirley Bigelow DeKelver
The Pup by Joyce Adrian Sotski, a conflict poem pulled from the archives
Balance a conflict story by Kevin Gooden
Fledglings, a conflict poem by Phillis Jeffery
Hi Dulcie. I love your poem. Nature is a great refuge ❤️
Hi Hal. I liked your story story and felt it flowed nicely and kept me reading 😊
Hi Ernie. I like the way your story is progressing and I like the way you wrote how differently his Mom and Dad dealt with the situation 🙂
Hal: I really liked your story, particularly the part on the bottom of page 3 when things seemed to happen in slow motion. I rolled my car once and had the same feeling while it was happening. I can also relate to making bad decisions right after the accident, because you’re in shock and not thinking clearly. In my situation, I couldn’t figure out how to remove my seat belt. Fortunately, I had friends around me who made the decisions for me. Too bad your co-workers didn’t realize this and just call the ambulance right away.
I’d suggest removing the sentence “I know this sound like a Laurel and Hardy…” in the middle of page 5 because it takes the reader out of the story.
I didn’t find the second half of the story as engaging as the first half. Part of the reason is that I felt you started telling the reader how to feel about the situation rather than just telling the story and let the reader come to their own conclusions. I also felt the second half needed more editing to remove unnecessary stuff.
Dulcie: I loved your poem. It shows that you’re a person who doesn’t like conflict (even if it does enhance a story), and prefers to go to your happy place when it occurs.
DULCIE: Escaping from a World of turmoil and sadness to our place of refuge and peace, something we all have experienced. Well done.
HAL: I laughed through your entire story. Then I read most of it to my hubby, who smiled but said nothing (which is high praise from him). I think he and Brett would have got along famously. Once again, your talent as a storyteller is evident. You have an ability to see humour in everyday life, be it good or bad.
It’s a good thing you’re so stubborn, it definitely helped you survive your ordeal.
Keep writing your tales, I love reading them.
ERNIE: Your novel is progressing well, the traits of the characters, through their actions and conversations, build suspense as your story progresses. You have done extensive research on your topic, which makes it real and convincing to the readers.
Hal: The Tragically Broken Hip, I am not normally drawn to stories about ‘people’s accidents and pains’ but this one held my interest, which means to me it was well done! I like that it was double-spaced; it made it easy to read. I particularly like that you used a lot of dialogue in the story. You kept their words short, to the point, and I think it moved the story along quite nicely. (Poor Brett)
Dulcie: Antidote, I enjoyed your poem. I don’t know if you laboured over it or not but it felt like the words just poured out of you. I think you found the perfect antidote to many of our problems, and this while you were still quite young it appears. We should all listen to the little children sometimes.
Ernie: Chapter 6, Your story is moving right along. I like that you are using a lot of dialogue although it sounds a little formal and long-winded for a father-son conversation. I suppose the stiffness will go away with the editing. Also, you’ve used the word ‘had’ a lot; which is something you might want to watch for while editing. Overall, well done I think.
Shirley: Paul’s Pride, High action and conflict; I like it. I love those double-spaced paragraphs; made it easy to read and it got me to the end of the story before I knew it was over! It sounds like a river I think more than it does a creek. Something that didn’t ring true for me was the boy washing his face in icy cold water when he knew there would be warm water in the reservoir; just a thought.
Hi Joyce. I had originally made it a river, but these people live on a small farm in drier climes, so I changed it to a creek/stream. It was running high because of the snowmelt from the mountains. Paul washed his face in icy water because he was angry at his sister and knew it would bug her when the warm water was right next to him. She didn’t take the bait.
Shirley: I found myself wondering how old Paul really was, which kept me from getting into the story. I knew he was older than Jessica, but I think it would have been better if his age was established right from the start. Perhaps have his father say something like “I know Paul is x, but I don’t feel he’s ready.” I also think the story would be better if written in the 1st person POV from Paul’s perspective. It would make the story more intimate to be inside Paul’s head. I’d also like to know the back-story as to why Paul’s father doesn’t think he’s responsible enough.
Joyce: Interesting, but I felt I was only being told a fraction of the story. Why would this incident make her realize her father had a good heart and why wouldn’t she have thought that before? Is Stan the father or is he her brother? I’m also curious why you had the spacing / line-breaks where you did.
I will respond to why the line breaks where they are: I wrote this when I was first experimenting with free form poetry. I was playing with a few concepts like: using line breaks instead of punctuation; the subtle changes that happen depending on where the punctuation would be, for example by putting a single or two words on a line it can become the ending of one thought or the beginning of the next, or both depending on where the reader pauses; and at this point I was also beginning to play with removing useless words while retaining the thoughts within the story-poem.
Shirley: Ernie is probably right. Writing this story from Paul’s first person perspective could have made it quite dramatic, especially with a little inner voice intermingled into it.
JOYCE: I could almost see and hear your Dad removing the quills from the pup’s nose. I have seen it happen to one of our dogs on our farm when I was young, and I’ve never forgotten the ordeal.
Discovering the goodness in your father by the way he handled the situation left a deep impression on you.
Hal – “Tragically Broken Hip”
Have to say I love the title, though of course it was a terrible experience. I found the story quite engaging, and liked the conflict at the outset. Your descriptions of the evolution of safety in the workplace were well done, invoked many memories. For a period of time I was a Site Safety Coordinator at the Bennett Dam, and as part of my safety role did investigative work. Your description “…happily nailing away when my pneumatic nail gun ran out of nails.” was illustrative of a factor common to many accidents—things go wrong after something unexpected throws people off.
Immersive, well-written story. Just needs a few tweaks. The punctuation around Brett’s questions at the top of page 4 need correction. Suggestions:
“Boss? You alright?” he asks from the deck above. You could leave “says” in the sentence.
“What should I do?” he asks.
Some of your experiences were humorous in an oh-my-god way. Thanks for sharing.
Dulcie – “Antidote”
Love your poem’s message. Some great lines (“…greed is pronounced ambition…worship spent on celebrity…”).
Beautiful last paragraph. Ahh.
Ernie – Chapter 6
It’s been a while since reading chapter 5, but I jumped right back into the story, which is a good sign. I found chapter six well-written, realistic and believable, even though in my family we would have put Ryan on speaker phone, LOL.
Because it was a real event, I wonder if adding the word “tragic” or “heart-breaking” before the word crash in the sentence “…after the crash in Kamloops in 2020.” might be a good touch of sensitivity in case anyone directly involved ever reads your book?
In Ryan’s conversation with Matt, I liked how Matt asked questions like “Isn’t that for her to decide?” One aspect of the conversation I wondered about is Matt didn’t have any internal conflict around the potential break-up and a resultant (potentially) loss of future grandchildren. With Ryan getting older, some parents would have that concern, especially if Emma is well-liked (or loved) by the family. Something to consider which could add more conflict. I like how Matt is keeping the request secret—gives a cliff-hanger vibe to the end of the chapter.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
Shirley – “Paul’s Pride”
Good story with excellent descriptions, believable characters and dialog. I enjoyed the old time setting—Ma and Pa—love it. Well executed conflict. Poor Paul, his younger sister left in charge…what young guy wouldn’t get riled up over that? Even though Jessica probably was more responsible!
I was somewhat surprised at a thunderstorm happening in the morning (versus the afternoon when they typically happen around here), but suppose that’s possible.
Joyce – “The Pup”
An enjoyable story with a few conflicts occurring, both external and internal. I admired how the narrator came away from the experience with a deeper appreciation of the father.
It speaks to the strength of a story when it invokes my own memories. In this case, your story made me recall a time when my father—who often fit that gruff persona—was trying to feed a dying kitten milk with a syringe, and his terrible tears when the kitten died. It was the first time I’d ever seen him cry.
Well done Joyce.
Kevin, Balance: Great title; and a great ending. I love it when not everything is spelled out and this one ends so abruptly it’s like a final the END. Love it. You have several layers of conflict in this short story, Mom’s disapproval, self doubt, fears, even the grocery bags trembling, straining, stretching. Inner voice is well done.
Kevin: Good story. You have the ability to take something good (i.e. balance in life) and turn it into a horror story. I didn’t immediately clue in as to why Jack had to run through the graveyard, so perhaps move that info earlier in the story. In fact, I think the phrase “What the hell are you doing? Jack thought…” would make a good opening sentence. A course I took on writing short stories said that a good short story doesn’t tell the whole story, but lets the readers imagination take over from there. You’ve done that well in this story.
Phillis: Fledglings, As I mentioned earlier, you have a very graceful way of accepting critiques. You make it easier on those of us who are trying to provide feedback. And remember, we all do it especially when we are first attempting to create something; we mimic the work that we admire. It’s a way to learn, and in the fledging we grow, and that never stops. But it’s a good thing to know that we must learn to fly alone and I believe the day will come, or maybe it has already arrived, that others are tempted to plagiarize your work. This is a wonderful poem that you have written which speaks to that.
Phillis – “Fledglings”
Wow, Phillis, I love your poem. Knowing the story behind the words and the emotional honesty that’s gone into creating them is inspiring. You’re a fantastic writer!
So many great word combinations—thin line/thick lesson, road…hairpin turns, and best-for-last: flying solo with new wings.
I see you up there, soaring… succeeding… smiling.
Thanks Kevin 😊 It’s a journey that keeps revealing new challenges and successes for me. Not as easy as I thought it would be 🤣 Thanks for the kudos 😊
Thanks Joyce 😊 Sometimes the road is bumpy but we keep going. These roads are best walked with friends ♥
KEVIN: “Balance” Your story read like a poem, with short snappy sentences revealing quick action and internal emotions. The suspense was building throughout and the ending was unexpected, but maybe not, considering where he was. I enjoyed it.
PHILLIS: “Fledglings” Being seduced by another’s strength is a difficult path to follow. When you realized it was time to break free, you left the nest, seeking personal growth, yet having doubts if you would succeed. It takes courage to write about your deepest fears and emotions. You will find your way.
Well written dear friend.