The Writers’ Nook is a place where we, as a group, can provide a safe and positive environment in which to encourage one another and hone our own writing skills.
Looking at a Screenplay
We all love the movies, right? At this meeting we are going to look at Screenwriting. Even if you never plan to write a script for a movie, or for television, let’s spend some time together reading and discussing an oldie but a goodie, the one-time popular movie titled, Witness, starring Harrison Ford, Kelly McGillis, Josef Sommer and Lukas Haas. Writing a screenplay may not be your ‘thing’ but you never know what you’ll learn. Hope you can join us.
This meeting was held at 11:00 a.m. on Wednesday, May 12th, Blind Bay Time (aka Vancouver Time).
TO PREPARE for this meeting we each got a copy of the script to Witness, so we could read the script among us. The script we found was specifically marked, “for educational purposes only.”
If you are interested in joining our group, please send an email to that effect and we’ll send you an invitation to our next zoom meeting
THE CHALLENGE before our next meeting on May 26th.
Write a story or poem inspired by some element in the movie: Witness.
OR
Imagine a story that might work well in a movie script. Write a two-paragraph synopsis of your imaginary movie. Then, write the opening scene’s to the movie. Submit both the synopsis of the movie, and the opening scenes.
What should the opening scene of a screenplay be? Whether it’s a drama, comedy, horror, action, or thriller — or any other subgenre or genre hybrid you’re attempting — that opening scene needs to be compelling. It needs to engage the reader and make them want more. Your script’s beginning and ending are the most memorable moments. Challenge yourself. Be creative.
First Scene of “The Third Option” by E.A. Briginshaw
Witness Poem by Kevin Gooden
The Silver Dollar, screenplay opening by Joyce Adrian Sotski
Synopsis and Opening for screenplay of Firestorm by Shirley Bigelow DeKelver
There is something by Dulcie Enns
Kevin,
Very nice poem! And a good synopsis of the story.
Joyce,
Going to be a good movie, I think. Curiosity is aroused, and want to know more.
Shirley,
Very good scene imagery. Want to see this movie. Gripping.
Ernie,
Eerie, and intriguing. What is going on? I can visualize it.
Ernie, The Third Option, To answer some of your questions, I think that David’s POV would simply be stated as, DAVID’S POV, in capital letters. The interesting thing about a screenplay is that it needs to direct not only the beats, like in a theatre play, but also the camera angles. Third person omniscient would simply inform by saying something like, “long shot, CAMERA ANGLE (and describe the direction from which the camera is angled)”. Inner voice would be described by the scriptwriter, much like a beat in a theatre play, for example, (David displays confusion).
This is also true for whatever background sound is required to set the scene. Diegetic sound in a screenplay refers to the sound effects that are created by the happenings onscreen, for example, the clip-clop of a horse’s hooves; which are usually added in the editing stage. Non-diegetic sound is sound that is added for the sake of ambience, like background music that would not originate from anything that is happening onscreen; this is also added in the editing stage. These things could be, though are not necessarily directed by, the screenwriter.
You may have noticed in several of the screenplay examples that actual dialogue appears to be indented to differentiate it from the rest of the directions and instructions. Also probably because there are so many directions that need to be provided, the whole script is spaced out to almost double spacing to make it easier to read; in fact, notice that the words of each piece of dialogue often begins on a new line, leaving the name of the character who is speaking on a line of its own above the dialogue. It seems that scriptwriters are more concerned with clarity than they are with conserving paper, so I guess it’s a good thing we’re not actually printing these out!
These are all formatting issues that help to make the script more readable. With regards to your content, I think your script would make a very tense and interesting beginning to a movie. I’d certainly keep watching!
Kevin, Witness Poem, I enjoyed your poem. I always find it amazing that a poem can intimate and discuss thoughts and feelings which in plain English would be difficult to speak of. Well done.
Shirley, Firestorm, Your screenplay sounds very scary; definitely full of tension and action. One of the things that I thought of when I was reading it was about an article on writing that I read a few weeks back. It suggested that when you are writing, to think of it as if it really is a movie and consider “camera angles” to help you describe the scenes to the reader. Camera angles and directions are often included in screen plays. I think if you would have included camera angles in your screenplay it would give the director a better idea of the visuals that you, as the screenwriter, are seeing in your mind when you describe the scenes. Just a thought. I enjoyed your opening; your stories are always action-packed.
This is also a great synopsis of the screenplay. It’s exciting, it gives us a great idea of what the movie is all about, and it opens the door to wanting to see/read the whole thing.
Dulcie, There is something, This is very short but it’s a delightful read! Doesn’t have to be long to say a lot; truth be told.
ERNIE: “The Third Option” The suspense was immediately invited into your scene. The story was fast-paced, building one’s curiosity and interest in the next page-turner of your story.
KEVIN: “Witness Poem” You have incorporated the layout of the story, describing the terror of the Amish boy witnessing a horrific murder, the forbidden love between his mother and the English detective, and the ultimate outcome. Well done.
JOYCE: “Silver Dollar” The description and actions of the characters are immediate, setting their roles in the story to come. What will happen next?
Dulcie: “There is Something” Succinct and inciteful. You write well.
Joyce: Thanks for your suggestions on improving my screenplay. I suppose I could also use a “voice-over” to show internal thoughts, but I think that only works in 1st person POV. Re “The Silver Dollar”, I’m not sure I like having a flashback scene so early in the movie. I think the viewer has to have the main characters firmly established in their minds before flashback scenes really work.
Kevin: I liked your poem, although I didn’t really like the cadence of the first verse as it seemed different than the rest.
Shirley: Powerful opening scene, although I think you might have to introduce some foreshadowing to help the viewer realize that it’s an earthquake that is happening. Otherwise, they might think it is something else (e.g. a tornado, a meteor strike, etc.). I remember when you first told us of the idea for the story. The story about an earthquake/tsunami in Vancouver is believable, but why wouldn’t the rest of Canada (and other countries) send in aid immediately after it happened?
Dulcie: Clearly shows your views of the Amish way of life.
Ernie: Interesting thought about the voice-over in a movie. Think about it, couldn’t any character in a movie, once he’s familiar to the audience and they know his voice, think his thoughts aloud without ever opening his mouth? Just by his expression and the hushed tone of his voice, couldn’t he express the actual words of his thoughts to the audience? You probably couldn’t have too many people in the movie doing this, it would get confusing, but certain characters might get away with it. Any thoughts about this from anybody else?
The Silver Dollar, interesting how other people’s comments always make us think. My intent in using ‘backstory’ was not really to provide backstory, but it was an effort to show Libby’s feelings. I was trying to show her attraction and desire to make her presence known to Al, but also her shame upon remembering what had happened, or almost happened, between them — and to juxtaposition that against her feelings for her husband.
Ernie—First scene of “The Third Option”
This is an excellent story beginning with plenty of intrigue and a cliff-hanger scene ending.
Regarding camera directions, I enjoyed the switching back and forth—viewing David versus seeing through his eyes. In the second paragraph I was a bit confused by the camera panning out and wondered if you meant zooming out?
When he gets out of bed I wondered if some additional description was necessary or not (you do mention he rolled slowly) because he rolled onto his left side, but that is the arm the IV is attached to, which would complicate the rolling.
RE the discussion of David speaking out loud versus using voice over, I think this works either way, so one way to decide might be based on David’s personality and whether he is extroverted or introverted, nervous or not, etc. Maybe that could change through the scene as he becomes nervous at the odd situation: shouts for the nurse in the beginning, then mutters under his breath, and is finally using thought only?
Anyway, a fun start!
Joyce—“The Silver Dollar”
Good beginning, and sounds like it will be a good novel. Your screenplay “directions” are excellent—have you written one (or more) before?
I’m thinking about Ernie’s comment RE flashback in the first scene, but also about what you’re attempting to do. I agree that normally a flashback shouldn’t happen too early. However, what might work here is if we are shown Libby’s ring finger sporting a modest ring before the flashback, and in the flashback that there isn’t a ring, i.e. there was an attraction with Al before she got married, and now that tension continues—maybe adding a hidden flirtation in the lunch-making scene with Al also being in the house?
Shirley—“Firestorm”
Exciting to see the beginning of the novel we’ve been hearing about! RE screenplay directions, it seemed like there was more instruction in the beginning than later in the story.
The earthquake scene is dramatic. One thing I wondered about—having had the misfortune to be in quite a few earthquakes—is showing some initial confusion on Carlie’s part (it’s how I always react, despite my experience), and what about some fear? She does show emotion later, which is good.
I was confused as to what the “rock barrier” in the forest actually is. Cliff, wall, something else?
I believe the tree names in the story should not be capitalized, as you haven’t included a specific tree type. For example, the generic tree cedar is not capitalized, but if you wrote Western Red Cedar it is.
One other opinion. In the external backyard scene (near the bottom of page 5), I think there should be earlier emphasis that her house has been destroyed—it’s not mentioned until the end of the paragraph, instead of right after “Carlie freezes.”
Hope that wasn’t too nitpicky and doesn’t give the wrong impression, because this is a great idea and I’m looking forward to reading more!
Dulcie—“There is something”
Well done poem.
Kevin: Ahem!! Regarding the flashback in The Silver Dollar, the flash doesn’t go back very far, only a couple of weeks — and there was a ring on that finger…