The Writers’ Nook is a place where we, as a group, can provide a safe and positive environment in which to encourage one another and hone our own writing skills.
Your Tone
“Don’t take that tone of voice with me!” Ever heard those words? It’s not necessarily about what is said, but rather the way it’s said; and the impression it makes on those who hear it. What you are writing has tone too. You can express something in many different ways and each way affects the impression that the reader gets, in a different way, as well as how they feel about whatever it is they are reading. We’re going to discuss this.
This meeting was held via zoom but didn’t take place until 11:00 a.m. on Wednesday, May 4th, 2022 Blind Bay Time (aka Vancouver Time). If you would like to join our group, please contact us. Your first meeting is free.
Your Challenge
Your Challenge before our next meeting on May 18th is to write a story or essay or poem, paying particular attention to the TONE you use. Consider using one of the following prompts:
- you were just pulling into your driveway when you saw somebody coming out of your house with something in his hand,
- this is the story of two pyromaniacs trying to set the same building on fire,
- you were walking in the park when you saw an envelope lying on a park bench addressed to ‘the birthday girl/boy’ and today is your birthday,
- this is a story that took place in an empty house,
- explore the boundary between chaos and calm, or
- make up your own prompt.
The Response
Two Pyromaniacs and their No-win Situation by Shirley Bigelow DeKelver
You by Joyce Adrian Sotski
…It’s for You by Kevin Gooden
Shirley, Two Pyromaniacs and their No-win Situation: I’m glad you chose this topic; I enjoyed your story. I think that the use of inner voice made it stronger, especially using the inner voices of both characters, though it got a little confusing when I had to figure out which one’s inner voice was which. The thing that bothered me though was the tense. You wrote the story is past tense which made sense, and your dialogue was spoken in the present tense which of course it should be, because you used their words verbatim. So if the dialogue was presented as present tense, shouldn’t the inner voice thoughts be presented in present tense as well? That would make sense to me. I’ll open this point up to discussion. But, I cannot forget to mention the surprise of the beginnings of a romance showing up in this crazy story, loved it!
Shirley, speaking of TONE, what I should have said above was that your story had undertones of fear and tension, and overtones of romance; or perhaps the other way around.
I wrote the story in the first person, and all of the inner thoughts were those of the protagonist. Regarding the tone, the main character felt excitement and anticipation as she prepared to start the fire, however when she realized she was not alone, then as you stated below she felt undertones of fear and tension. When she confronted the second pyromaniac the overtones of romance began to build until the end when they joined forces.
JOYCE: Your poem “You” was emotional, and tones of regret and acceptance were evident throughout. I enjoyed reading it.
Shirley, nicely done. Love the unexpected approach to the prompt and your writing is stellar as always. I was going to comment on the double-barrelled….as well, but won’t in case someone reads this comment before your story.
Joyce, what a powerful poem, and tone. Wow! A profound look into human nature, and what mysterious beings we are at times. By the way, love that “aught” in there.
Kevin, … It’s For You: Like an errant leaf blowing down the street in a strong autumn wind, with only enough senses to be confused knowing not where he goes or what he does. How many mishaps can he have? Everything just keeps getting worse and more confused, including me, the reader. Yes, I’d say you managed to write this story with a tone in your voice. That’s the tone I’m getting, like, “what happened here?” and there’s no way to fix it. Then loss.
Joyce
This raw and personal poem carries a spectrum of emotion, and the reader must follow you through the decades, youth to grandchildren, not an unfamiliar scenario. But not everyone carries the intense memory of a young love. A powerful poem.
you
earthworms
in your eye holes
what’s to love now
you are no more
why would
Just wondered if adapting the lines a tiny bit would tighten it up.
i (wondered if leaving the ”I” alone would suggest strength)
have a good love ( is “good life” required when you then list the positives?)
a better love
It’s difficult to end a poem with a question so you’ll need to ask if you are just asking yourself or asking the reader.
It’s an excellent poem, ignore my suggestions, 🙂 but I thought we were supposed to…. 🙂
Joyce
This raw and personal poem carries a spectrum of emotion, and the reader must follow you through the decades, youth to grandchildren, not an unfamiliar scenario. But not everyone carries the intense memory of a young love. A powerful poem.
you
earthworms
in your eye holes
what’s to love now
you are no more
why would
Just wondered if adapting the lines a tiny bit would tighten it up.
i (wondered if leaving the ”I” alone would suggest strength)
have a good love ( is “good life” required when you then list the positives?)
a better love
It’s difficult to end a poem with a question so you’ll need to ask if you are just asking yourself or asking the reader.
It’s an excellent poem, ignore my suggestions, 🙂 but I thought we were supposed to…. 🙂
Kevin
Excellent opening line. We quickly get the concept of a sort of “ordinary man” and not a boy.
“worst possible thing…civilization still existed” and the reader says, “What???” A step happens here where I want to know, How it is going to end??
“Spontaneously deciding to abandon his previous plan,” Very glad you didn’t use “Suddenly” We don’t really know what the previous plan was, for sure, but it adds a question mark that works.
His leg muscles flexed as he strode up the short, steep hill leading to his house. Sweet spring. LOTS of alliteration which goes with his forward movement and his relaxed state …
filled his lungs. The magnolia trees in the Davidson’s yard were blooming their annual potpourri of pinks, purples, whites. Distant lawn mowers thrummed. He smiled. Whistled happy birthday.”
You end this flow with a sharp “What?” You jolt through the next paragraph just as we would read it.
I was trying to figure out how what was basically a ghost would have a face go white, but that’s the fantasy part, and you get away with it. 😊
After that I didn’t quite get it. If his “older self” got away, why did the present self remain catatonic? My brain may be functioning less.
Loved all the details about the various creatures who had potluck on the garbage. Who put the garbage out? Leaf looking for his siblings, lovely personification. And a “tall boy” named Donald. Enough details but more than “boy” Who is the father?
So the reader is left at the end not knowing quite a few little details. But that may have been your intent.
A good read.
Karen, Thank you for your insight. I’m happy to have another point of view and an opportunity to see what I’ve written through someone else’s eyes. I will take the time to think about your suggestions.