He didn’t come home for Christmas
they called the hospitals
no news there
called the police
sometimes people don’t want to be found
talked to his friends
haven’t seen him lately
to his co-workers
maybe he should be on floor thirteen
what does that mean?
to neighbours in the apartment
haven’t seen him
watched apartment surveillance cameras
left the building before Christmas
with baggage
never came back
a private investigator took his father’s money
said she’d try
but gave it back again when
the letter came
they’d towed his car
from a no parking zone
in Santa Monica.
* * *
They took a collection at the investigator’s office
wishing you luck
a collection at the credit union
just to help
friends and neighbours, a fifty here, a hundred there
hope it helps
always such a good kid
on the plane to California
my boy
always such a good boy
did I expect too much
so young
and if we don’t find him
his brothers already
lost their mother
twice
once with the divorce and again
when she died
the father asked, do people have guardian angels?
* * *
The stranger in the next seat
you can stay at my house
in California
for as long as you need
must have been a guardian angel.
* * *
They plastered his picture on every
bill board every power pole
worked hand in hand with Child Find
talked to the police
called the radio stations
the LA Times picked up the story
about the man with
the thick Canadian accent who
wandered the beaches
where the homeless
hang out.
* * *
There’s a saying in California
that the earth is slightly tilted
and all the nuts
just roll to the sea
they feed them there
long lines of hungry people
waiting for something to eat
an extra sandwich for lunch
an apple for the pocket
a pair of clean socks.
There were sightings and the tips rolled in
somebody saw him here
another saw him there
he’s sitting on the bench
at the mall!
* * *
What do you say to an adult son
who has run away from home?
His father sat down beside him
Hi, how ya doing?
the son looked at him
get away from me
I don’t know you
and he ran away
street assessment workers
talked to him
he’s fine he knows
his name is Jason
knows he grew up in Washington
his father is mayor
but…
he is not fine
his name is Eric
he grew up in Alberta
and I am a plumber.
* * *
In California —
in most of North America
everyone has equal rights
even the mentally ill
have rights
the right to live where they wish
to live how they wish
to refuse medication
so the father went home
empty-handed
but he came back again
with the boy’s ex-girlfriend
the boy’s favourite aunt
the boy’s best friend
and again and again and finally
with the boy’s favourite uncle
the boy’s best friend
and a prescription of sleeping pills.
* * *
It must have been
a very frightened young man
that night who fought so hard
in that pitch black alley
when three men in the dark
forced him into the car
he settled down at the news
that his grandmother was ill
said he didn’t have a grandmother
but he agreed to go
if they promised
to bring him back.
* * *
It was a long nonstop drive
from Santa Monica to the front doors
of the hospital in Edmonton
somewhere along the way
the back window was broken
by an elbow
at the border crossing the officer asked
so you’re going to Canada?
the boy answered,
no,
we’re going to Edmonton.
* * *
There must be guardian angels
how else to explain the clues
the coincidences
the miracles
that lead father to son
how else to explain
the survival mechanisms
embodied in a child at birth
a 21 year old child
in a strange city
broke
lost
physically and mentally
finding his way
to food and shelter.
* * *
Are we so blind
we cannot see
we cannot talk about
mental illness
easily
like an appendectomy
why do we think that
mental illness happens only to
peculiar people
that is illusion
we all are peculiar
sometimes
some more than others
the brain uses reasoning to tell if the body is sick
but there’s nothing to tell the brain that it is sick.
* * *
Don’t look away — talk to me
everyone has the right
to refuse help
to refuse medication
to think they are sane
Look at me
this child that I love
still suffers
I grieve for
a beautiful mind
the world at his feet
laid waste
the earth is still tilting
the nuts are still rolling
And no one, it seems, can help.