The Secret

By Marilyn McAllister
Blind Bay, BC

Being retired ‘n all, I really didn’t think the virus was going to have much of an impact on my life. I’d already become an avid gardener, a voracious reader, although book club was being impacted, and a hiker extraordinaire. I hadn’t lost my job, or school. Living in a rural area I was able to get out without mask and gloves to walk Mitzi, my dog. My own life hadn’t changed that much, or so I thought. Yet, curiously, time itself began to change.

The first thing I noticed was a flattening of the week, rather than the ‘curve.’ Then it morphed into a circle – no week days with a week-end, just days on end.

Next was the day itself. One became pretty well like any other, everything on hold. It felt as though real meaning had drained out of my life. That’s when I began to hear from some friends on a more regular basis; friends who seemed to be having a difficult time dealing with the situation. One friend in particular; an older woman who was caring for her seriously ill husband was in real distress.

Audry was especially angry one day when we were having a coffee at our local. As soon as our masks were off so were the gloves as she started her deluge against the doctors, the hospital, the pharmacist, and anyone else that came to mind.

I let her vent, and eventually I realized she was in grief. Thank goodness for my hospice training. But what I realized as well, was that Audry wasn’t just grieving her husbands condition, but rather this whole situation we find ourselves in. I believe we are all grieving.

The losses are huge. Matched only by our grief. So, how could I help Audry deal with her problem?

I let Audry take the lead after suggesting we do something concrete to acknowledge what her and her husband had just come through. Some kind of ceremony. She said she’d like to write down on paper how awful it was and get it out of her system. I asked if there’s something she usually does to get through the tough times.

Audry plays piano and said that playing her piano helped her relax and figure our what she had to do next during the ordeal. I asked if she could write music, and yes indeed she could. So, Audry wrote a short piece of music and when we got together a couple days later we did the ceremony. She played the piece on her piano and then we went outside, started a fire in the fire pit. and burned the music. There was more to our little ‘ceremony/ritual’ of course, but that part is our secret.

The Secret,
Copyright © Marilyn McAllister, 2020