The Writers’ Nook is a place where we, as a group, can provide a safe and positive environment in which to encourage one another and hone our own writing skills.
Constructive Feedback
As its name suggests, constructive feedback is feedback regarding an individual’s performance that can be used to build (construct) successful skills and behaviors. The constructive element is key because with that approach, even giving negative feedback doesn’t become demotivating.
This meeting was held via zoom at 11:00 a.m. on Wednesday, November 10th, Blind Bay Time (aka Vancouver Time). If you would like to join our group, please contact us. Your first meeting is free.
THE CHALLENGE
The Challenge for you to complete before the next meeting is to prepare a writing; a story, poem, or essay; that you are prepared to read aloud. Please submit it early enough so others have time to provide feedback on the writing before the meeting on November 24th. They will provide feedback on your oral delivery at the meeting.
Responses
Conquerers of the Sky by Shirley DeKelver
To Pot or Not to Pot by Dulcie Enns, written from her daughter’s perspective
I’m Sorry by Joyce Adrian Sotski
Crow by Karen Lesli (because she mentioned it)
She Never Left by Karen Lesli (this one is her submission)
Collected Pandemic Efficacies by Kevin Gooden
An Excerpt from The Fifth Commandment by Siv Pettersson
Self-Driving Car Gets Its Own Driver’s License by Kevin Gooden (this one is his submission for reading)
The Shape of Life by Marilyn McAllister
Dad by Marilyn McAllister
Shirley,
The first paragraph is so dramatic and well described. Very nice. But then you dip into a rather text book style of “just the facts”.
The facts are all genuine and fascinating too, but maybe they could be jazzed (?) up somehow. When you read this piece your voice inflections made it brighter. Still a very interesting piece of writing.
Karen,
I think your writing is strong and maybe you are the Queen of Metaphors—-they often amaze me. Who would liken a crowd of heads and shoulders to a rumpled, unmade bed—-you would, and I have to admire your originality. I also liked the humorous aside to avoiding the accordion player. It made me chuckle because we have a relative who likes to play the accordion for our enjoyment and …
Your story is a sad one, but well told. Sorry, I have no suggestions.
Kevin,
I really liked the three poems, and I guess that tells you nothing, but you captured the emotions that people have. I thought there was so much truth and honesty in your descriptions. Very nicely done, all three. I have no suggestions for change.
The Tesla—- much too cute.☺️
Marilyn,,
DAD
I did love this poem. An incident so kindly, simply, and guilelessly told . The descriptions—rubber boots falling off, slippery rocks in the water, fishing nets to the rescue, all made the incident very sharp and clear. It exemplified family love, the bonding of father and daughter, and the remembrance of mother’s passing. A sweet touch, mentioning the foal nursing, under the protection of its’ mother. A beautiful poem
The Fifth Commandment
Siv, I do like the title, it makes me want to explore what your meaning is, and how you handle the plot and characterization.
I suppose there are people in this world as outrageously vile as are Hazel and Richard, but I feel that you have hit the reader in the face with how reprehensible they are. There seems to be no glimmer of hope for them to change. They are just Bad, Bad, Bad. Would they not be more interesting if they had some human feelings, if they displayed a bit of guile, maybe try to trick Sara instead of just laying down the law. Actually there is not a sympathetic person in this excerpt except for Sara. No one to like or cheer for. Perhaps the characters need a little more dimension?
I think you have done a lot of work on this Siv, and I look forward to reading how it all unfolds.,
Hi Marilyn,
For someone who has not been writing for a while “Shape of Life” is an astounding poem. I don’t know if it is intentional or not but you have a consistent use of the “r” sound which moves the reader forward. Some consonants are not smooth and “fractal” is one of them but quite suitable in its location in the poem.
If you were aiming for the use of concrete in the poem, you’ve achieved it with a human shape. If so, a space above “life blood” would indicate the heart and still keep the shape. But that’s just a random thought. 🙂 Your vocabulary choice is excellent. Sadness, frank, with perspective, personal, pragmatic. We all have a heart. I like the use of replicating, because of course it goes on and on, without us paying attention. I wonder about “exponential, and the concluding line, which I read over and over… is it the word creation? Not sure. However, an excellent poem, you might consider it in the WOL contest or one of many poetry contests!
Hi Marilyn,
Well, I cried at the end, having lost my mom so recently. I hope someone was there to catch her. I don’t know if the mare/foal was a metaphor for her caring, but certainly the reader can see the healthy mare and her careful protection.
I am not sure if the images were meant to be deep with metaphor or a story of fishing in a roaring creek/river, or both. Net of safety/net for fish. Slippery because rocks get that way/ life’s slippery spots,
Calloused hands = hard working/used to kinds of hardship, don’t let go/don’t slip could mean?
I am not sure what “across the divide” means whether it is the river, or another metaphor. Nor “frozen fingers” because it was spring (mare/foal) The water was just that cold? A good memory regardless.
It’s a beautiful poem, one that perhaps you will feel comfortable reading aloud, with us, or at the coffee house. Though I did hear it was going to be an awful winter January. Who knows. Weather is not predictable any more. Thanks for sharing.
Kevin, Collected Pandemic Efficacies
It seems that I am not ready to discuss these poems in a literary manner. I have read them several times and it just keeps coming back to me that yes, this is how it is, has been, was, and still is. You have said so much on behalf of all of us. And still, even today, the hospitals are all full to over 150% capacity and the medical community overwhelms me. Thank you for saying the things that we all feel.
Marilyn, Dad
Metaphors and memories — This tender poem pulls at my heartstrings and I cannot find any suggestions for improvement. It’s beautiful. What is it’s central theme? Love and trust I think, especially the trust of a child in a parent. And I too believe, and have reason to believe, that those who have gone before us are there to welcome us when we go.
Marilyn, Shape of Life
I read this poetry and its words take my thoughts and bends them, and I wonder because I am not sure that I am following you. It’s the kind of poem that I sometimes steer clear of because, maybe I just don’t get it? I read this poem and I realize that you are describing a vast orderly being on its own mission. Maybe you are talking about the mysteries within a physical human body, or possibly the mysteries within the human soul; we each have our own mystery. Or maybe it’s cumulative in that all beings are considered within the poem as one. I wonder what you were thinking, or what had happened recently when you wrote this. I do not feel competent in my ability to understand and I look forward to hearing your train of thought as you were writing.
Marilyn: Dad
Sunlight and aspen leaves echo memories of your Dad, who was always there to protect you as you grasped tightly to his lifeline when you fell. The metaphorical inclusion of the mare covering her young foal with her protection and love symbolizes the bond you shared with your father. Dreaming of your Dad grasping your mother’s hand when she passed provided the closure you sought. A lovely poem.
Kevin: Collected Pandemic Efficacies
Setting out the history of the Pandemic strikes close to home and makes us wonder when and how it will all end. Closure, despair and acceptance are covered in your words. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Karen: She Never Left
I loved your story, and the more I read, the more I admired Agnes, how she survived insurmountable tragedies. and found happiness at the closure. All of the characters are believable and your story flows well. This would make a great novel.