The Writers’ Nook is a place where we, as a group, can provide a safe and positive environment in which to encourage one another and hone our own writing skills.
Our Theme for this meeting follows the same theme as our last meeting — Pacing a Story. This meeting is in the form of a discussion and each member contributes.
In preparation for this meeting, each of our members used whatever book they were reading at this time. They paid close attention to the pacing and came to the meeting prepared to talk about how the author handled the pacing so they could respond to the following questions; when did it speed it, when did it slow down; what methods did they use to make it feel like it was speeding up/slowing down. Did you feel the author handled it well?
This meeting was held at 11:00 a.m. on Wednesday, February 24th, Blind Bay Time (aka Vancouver Time). If you are interested in joining our group, please send an email to that effect and we’ll send you an invitation to our next zoom meeting.
Notes from our members:
Shirley DeKelver
OUR CHALLENGE remains the same as for our last meeting: Write a poem, or essay, or story paying close attention to your pacing! If you’d like, feel free to submit an edited version of your last piece.
Lessons from Janice (edited and revised) by Karen Bissenden
Pete Morgan (edted and revised) by Shirley Bigelow DeKelver
Unexpected Life Subscription, a work in progress by Kevin Gooden
Karen
Overall: I like your revisions to “Lessons from Janice”; the story presents as “more polished” now, while still retaining its initial good qualities.
Not sure if your first version had the cops busting down clubs mentioned in early conversation(?) prior to arriving at the club, but this is good foreshadowing if it’s a new addition.
I like how the disco ball stuns her into another world, and the ignorant, innocent, or just without opportunity line.
Club description and action are well executed, fast paced.
Small detail: the police car lights being blue, red, and white. In 1975, where I lived, police car lights were blue and red, but not white. Was it different where you were?
Nice job!
Shirley
This story is also improved this time around.
Couple of thoughts. When Jake enters the corral, you use “…a young man strolled into…”, while the first rider was also described as “…a young man approach”. Wondering if there’s a way to differentiate the two riders a bit more? Even changing “A” to “Another” for Jake?
I didn’t care for “the reveal” in the description at the end of the paragraph “…on-going quarrel between father and son.” Maybe I’m splitting hairs a bit, but if that paragraph ended “…on-going quarrel between the two men,” and then we didn’t learn of the relationship until the dialog between Pete and Jake it would be more powerful, in my opinion.
Anyway, an entertaining story that’s even better now.
Karen, Lessons from Janice: I really enjoy reading your newly edited version of Lessons from Janice. It’s clean and polished and reads well, except for the phrase “Regardless of resistance” which was a bit of a stumbling block for me. Interestingly though, it’s your first version from the 10th that appeals to me. It has an urgency and somewhat scrambling feel to it and it pulled me right into the thick of the action.
Shirley, Pete Morgan: I really enjoyed reading your newly edited version of Pete Morgan. I think it’s wonderful. The descriptions, the pacing, it really pulled me in. My only problem was that I wasn’t sure of the sequence of events. The way I read it, the wild mustang attacked the young man, he elderly father stepped in and enticed the mustang to attack him instead so the young man kept walking, then changed his mind and turned around to rescue his father. Have I got that right?
Kevin, Unexpected Life Subscription: You packed a lot into this little piece — everything from science-fiction to intricate family dynamics. I really enjoyed it. It reminded me a lot of 1984 (George Orwell); how do you think of these things!! And the pacing was, I think pace-perfect. It gave me time to understand not only this new culture but also the emotions and yet kept me on the edge of my seat.