The Writers’ Nook is a place where we, as a group, can provide a safe and positive environment in which to encourage one another and hone our own writing skills.
Our Theme for this meeting was Pacing a Story. Understanding how to pace a story helps an author to write a piece that holds the reader’s attention from beginning to end by varying the speed, the tempo and the tension.
This meeting was held at 11:00 a.m. on Wednesday, February 10th, Blind Bay Time (aka Vancouver Time). If you are interested in joining our group, please send an email to that effect and we’ll send you an invitation to our next zoom meeting.
If you are interested in joining our group for future meetings, please send us an email.
The Challenge: our Challenge for the next meeting is two-fold:
One: Use whatever book you are reading at this time and pay close attention to the pacing. Come to the next meeting prepared to talk about how the author handled the pacing; when did it speed it, when did it slow down; what methods did they use to make it feel like it was speeding up/slowing down. Did you feel the author handled it well?
Two: Write a poem, or essay, or story paying close attention to your pacing! Or alternatively, share something you’ve written earlier and send a pdf file of it to us well before the next meeting.
CHALLENGE TWO
Lessons from Janice by Karen Bissenden
Pete Morgan, The Last of His Breed by Shirley Bigelow DeKelver
Scene from Legacy by E.A. Briginshaw
Turning Away by Joanne Taylor
Screams in Fine Print by Kevin Gooden
Karen: I loved your pacing in this story. The short, snappy phrases makes the reader feel like they are in the scene along with the characters. The only negative thing I noticed was that you jumped back and forth in tenses a few times.
Shirley: The first thing I noticed was how much slower the pace of your story was compared with Karen’s. This seemed appropriate, as the cowboy leaned on the railing and strolled into the corral. However, I didn’t feel the pace quicken once he mounted the horse, which I thought should happen. I’d suggest using some similar phrasing in that part of the story as Karen did in hers. Short. Snappy.
Joanne: This feels like a great opening to a novel. You built tension with phrases like “Time forgives, but I will not”. But then you released it by saying “Best to let her live happily without him, as she had for all these years.” I think it would be better to have the balloon pop, rather than to just slowly let the air out.
Great suggestion about the “popping.” It does fizzle 🙂 This was a blip from a writer’s prompt group I had done a few years ago and I’ve kept it in my top drawer to go back to one of these days.
Hi Ernie,
Great scene, lots of notable emotion, back nd forth. Just for fun take out the “but” and “so”. Shorter sentences. I had to use my word find over and over to get rid of words like this. And there are still some there because some times they have to be. We are definitely involved with the protagonist.
Thanks for your feedback on the tenses, a real weakness of mine.
Hi Kevin,
Keeping in mind that I have issues with verb tenses and frankly a true love of long sentences…
Obviously someone liked this enough to publish it so my comments are redundant.. 🙂 But it’s just feedback. As a reader I want to know right away what and then why…just me. So you signed up. Why? I struggle with too many “and”. Your important points can come out right away. Freezing is always cold, I think. 🙂
Not wanting to spend another fucking starving cold Christmas, and needing cash, I signed up. At the freezing [don’t need cold… a word could describe how freezing] I saw the new float ad that beckoned its [ to me; with its; with a; other possibilities ] kaleidoscope of warm colours. Intrigued, I mushed through dirty slush to get closer to the hovering image.
The ending is the dreadful horror and dropped accurately on the reader.
Karen
You make good use of numerous techniques to vary the pacing. Sentence and paragraph lengths of course, but also vocabulary and dialog, which I found particularly well done.
In the fast-paced action fleeing the club, the story has some of its longest paragraphs, but these are sped along both by your action word choices like “ripped off her shoes”…”shrieked”…”snatched”…”sirens scream”…”men…shove forward”…”hurry up” etc., etc., and your punctuation choice: the often maligned but sometimes appropriate to the situation exclamation mark.
Well done!
Shirley
I enjoyed the varying pace in your story, with the longer, slower descriptions initially and the faster pace as Jake rode the wild mustang. I thought perhaps you could have gone even faster in the scene, with shorter sentences, and fragments, even as short as one word. But that’s a style I go to, not sure if you’d be comfortable with it or not. Some of Jake’s physical reactions and/or thoughts during the ride could have been a good addition.
Overall, a well-written nice little story—loved the end dialog. That Pete Morgan, he’s a helluva man to live up to. Just ask his son.
Ernie
Thanks for the set-up to your scene, which set the stage nicely. This was a good example of pacing as your paragraphs were longer initially and shortened near the race end. You also manipulated pace well through Chip being logical and observational in the beginning but anguished and confused by the end.
Given the story’s ongoing updates on number of laps completed, it would have worked even better for me if I’d known in the beginning how many total laps the race was. Late in the story Chip addresses this a bit by commenting on how many laps are remaining. Also, given the blistering pace he set, some physical discomfort by Chip earlier in the race would have been logical to see.
Those points aside, this was a compelling scene and kept me reading to see what Chip would choose and how it would turn out.
Joanne
Definitely saw some pacing changes here with your sentence and paragraph lengths, and your mixing up what parts got what lengths: sometimes present day observations were short and to the point while memories were longer, sometimes the reverse. I liked the repetitive nature of:
He remembered her laugh.
He remembered making her laugh.
I liked the story and the MC’s decision at the story’s end. I found the physics/plausibility of the woman being “one car over” but watching her in the side mirror confusing. Seemed like “one lane over, one car back” would have been more logical for observing in the side mirror. If there’s something I’m not understanding but should, please let me know—it wouldn’t be the first time I was needlessly confused, and it won’t be the last.
thank you for your feedback. A huge weakness of mine is skipping back and forth between my imagination and what is actually impossible (side mirror!)
Hi Shirley,
A classic cowboy story. A couple of things that could tighten up your tension would be to use fewer ing and ly, though I know that affects verbs.
The other thing I was told was not to use “could see” or “watch” (or any words in that sort unless it was really specific…”Only through the microscope)if it was obvious that the position of the protagonist or any character was obviously in a watching position. I had to go through that with mine… still do. It can be cut out here without loosing the strengthen of your narration.
The old man’s watery eyes lit up in amusement. A reckless young chap leapt onto the back of the frenzied horse, only to be bucked unceremoniously into the air.
Lessons from Janice/ feedback
1 – I liked the action, especially the exhilaration of running from the police
2 – I liked Janice and would love to read more of her adventures
3 – there seemed like for a small town there was a lot of nighttime entertainment and a lot of police but it didn’t take away from the story, just not what I had expected.
Scene from Legacy / feedback
1 – It was well paced (like the runners themselves) though I was a bit confused about how many laps they had had to run in total.
2 – I enjoyed reading this and would like to know who won !
Karen: This was a fun read! Full of action, with humour and excitement. I might suggest leaving out or changing the two word sentence “First, Janice.” because I stumbled over it and at first I didn’t know what you meant by it. I’d also consider starting a new paragraph with the words, “I can’t explain her sense of direction.”
But the Pacing was great. It sped up with snappy action-words like “urgency” and “click, click” and the overall sense of danger. I enjoyed the high tension due to short sentences, and also the release from tension with the humour; longer sentences where appropriate. Loved the ending, a fun night!
Shirley: I enjoyed your Pete Morgan story. You pulled me in with phrases like “flurry of activity” and “hitched his chaps” and “adjusted his spurs.” There’s always something appealing about a cowboy. I was confused by a few things. For example I suspect the old man’s eyes would have lit up with interest or excitement rather than amusement because riding bucking broncos is serious business. And I was confused wondering if they were in an arena competing in a rodeo, or in a rancher’s corral breaking wild mustangs because you mentioned both stages. And I wondered, why did he say that Pete Morgan died?
About Pacing: I especially liked the tension in the short sentences between the young cowboy and his father. It said so much. And I loved the tension, and then the letting go at the end — great ending!
Ernie: I find that I feel the same as Kevin mentioned from our previous challenge, that I don’t want to suggest ways to improve in something that’s already done, because it’s already published. But I will say that I enjoyed the descriptive writing especially during the race — it made me feel the pain. I think that the short sentences and your phrases like “roar of the crowd” and “blurry kaleidoscope of colours” emphasized the tension and sped up the pacing.
Joanne: I enjoyed this story. I bought into it, emotionally, especially with him remembering the woman he used to know, the running shoes, etc. There is one thing I might suggest in the second last paragraph. I realize that you weren’t with us last year at our February 25, 2020 meeting when we discussed Internal dialogue and Inner monologue. If you have time, you might want to read our Handout from that meeting. You could put all of his thoughts from that whole second-last paragraph into the first person perspective and change them into italics, “I cannot recreate the past. Time forgives but I will…” etc. And see what that does to it.
About Pacing: Buying into it emotionally sped up the pacing for me. And I liked your short one-sentence paragraphs. That really sped it up and the next paragraph, “Years had passed…” slowed it down again and allowed us to reminisce with him.
Kevin: I have a fairly good imagination — but this is bizarre! I love it. Your descriptions are wonderful, “glitter frame glasses” and whole paragraphs of what it’s like in dreamland, with the animals, it almost feels like I want to be there. That’s good pacing. Good pacing too in the one-liners of dialogue, with no extraneous beats; they’re very disturbing; they pull me along. I have no negative comments. I’m speechless.
Karen : I loved Janice and I felt the pace of the story accelerate when the club was crashed by the cops. I enjoyed it 😊
Shirley : I like your story and felt the “emotional” pacing between father and son. Well done 😊
Ernie : I felt the pace gain speed as Chip was being passed by Michael and the field of runners. It was interesting that Chip was willing to sacrifice his race for Michael 😊
Joanne : I liked the pacing of thought process of the man with no name 🤣 I really liked “He remembered her smile. He remembered making her smile” I enjoyed it 😊
Kevin: I felt the pace. I felt the relief. I felt the fear. I like your imagination. Reminiscent of The Twilight Zone. Well done 😊